The Father (2020) - A Movie Review & The Reality of Dementia

Over the weekend, I was rummaging through the list of films I have on the television and I stumbled upon a movie named “The Father”. What caught my attention, was not only the casts members being Sir Anthony Hopkins (who is one of the most famous and talented actors and the first actor that I have watched playing Hannibal Lector) and Olivia Colman (who played Queen Elizabeth II in the Crown, splendidly if I may add), but it was how the film poster showing such fondness shared between the father and daughter. Hence, I went into the film with the thought maybe this is one of those heartwarming films about a daughter taking care of her elderly father. I should have known it would be more than that, knowing how this is no ordinary film.

The movie starts off with his daughter, Anne (played by Olivia Colman) telling her aged father that she would be moving to Paris with her new boyfriend and she wouldn’t be able to come back that often to see him anymore. Her father, Anthony (played by Sir Anthony Hopkins) was shocked by the revelation of his daughter moving to a different country, far away from him of course, but that didn’t prepare him for what she said next. Knowing her father’s condition, the daughter doesn’t want to leave him to stay alone in the house, so she told him that it would be best if a caregiver comes along and take care of him while she’s gone, but she eased up the idea by telling him she can always come back during the weekends and such. Allowing a stranger to come into his house, that is just not done, in the father’s eyes. The daughter perhaps at that time doesn’t understand why the idea is being rebuffed by her father, why can’t he understand that she is doing the best that she can to help him, to take care of him. She then gave him an ultimatum, “If you don’t stop being so stubborn, I will”, the father said, “Will what? Finish the sentence”. The movie cuts to the next scene without her finishing what she meant to say, but I’m sure anyone would have guessed the correct answer to that. Sadly.

The movie starts to have a strange turn when the father came back with his groceries and seeing a strange man sitting in the living room. When the stranger was asked who he was, he answered back this is my house, I’m in my own house. The father was baffled by the stranger and was in evermore shock when the stranger said he is his son-in-law, Paul. To the father’s knowledge, his daughter’s marriage fell apart years ago, this couldn’t be his son-in-law, and what about her daughter’s boyfriend in Paris, who is this stranger? He looks for his daughter immediately, and when he heard his daughter coming into the house, he was relieved but the relief left as quickly as it came, the “daughter” who came into his pleas, is not his daughter. There is a strange woman who he has not met before, trying to talk some sense into him, but the father just couldn’t comprehend what is going on. The “daughter” then said “Dad, would you like some chicken? Are you hungry?” The father said yes, he would like some while feeling confused, so he went to the next room to have some fresh air. The “daughter” came back and asked what’s wrong. He then said he doesn’t know; he doesn’t know what is going on. Where is your husband, he asked and the “daughter” said what husband? I have been divorced years ago. Where is the chicken, I thought you are bringing me chicken? The “daughter” said, what chicken? The father couldn’t believe what he’s hearing, thus he angrily stumped into his room.

The next day, the daughter he recognized came back and introduced a caregiver to him, Laura and he was seemed to be quite fond of Laura, telling her that she reminds him of his other daughter, Lucy. The father doesn’t seem to be aware of Lucy passed on many years ago.

“Why do you look at me as if something’s wrong. Everything is fine, Anne. The world is turning. You’ve always been that way. A worrier. Whereas your sister.. Where is she, by the way? Have you heard from her?”

– Anthony, the Father

Throughout the film, the father’s perception of reality has been pulled through many ends, one may not truly know which reality is the right one. It seems that the father has indeed been living with his son-in-law and Anne but he is still holding on to the idea that this is his apartment. He found himself in the middle of an argument between the daughter and her husband of the daughter’s sacrifices for her elderly father. There was also an instance where the father wakes up and found himself walking along a hospital hallway. This is where it triggers one of his early memories of seeing his daughter, Lucy lying in a hospital bed with blood all over her face. He woke up in shock and this time, he wakes up in a different room. He is not in his apartment anymore. A nurse came into his room, and he realized he is in a nursing home.

This is where the emotional wall surrounding his mind collapses. He doesn’t understand why he woke up at a different place, why he couldn’t understand what is happening. In reality, his daughter has in fact moved to Paris with her boyfriend and manages her visits at the nursing home, occasionally. The last-minute of the film was heartfelt as it slowly tunes away with the father saying he wants his mother and that he is losing his leaves, the branches and the wind, and the rain. The nurse who was the only one left comforts him by telling him she’ll take him out to the park later.

This film is truly remarkable, both in how the actors portrayed their roles throughout the whole film and also, how real the storyline was. To me, the film gives you the raw feeling of how dementia really is in reality. It is heartbreaking to watch, seeing how the father tries to hold on to reality, trying to find some rationality for what makes sense to him. Through the eyes of the audience, we are seeing the first hand of how a dementia patient perceives in their world. There are little details throughout the film, where little things start to change. It goes slow, from the kitchen tiles, the change of appearance of his daughter to the disappearance of his room. His world changed, shifting again and again, but he kept it all to himself because he knows that even if he complains or tries to rationale to his daughter, any plea will only fall on deaf ears.

This film may be fiction but it is a reality for many elderlies. Dementia is a horrible condition that steals away your memories and your reality. In extreme cases, as you are losing the grasp of reality, you may not know who your loved ones are in the next minute. And, you can’t help it. It hurts both the patient and the loved ones taking care of them.

“So, if I understand correctly, you’re leaving me. Is that it? You’re abandoning me. What’s going to become of me?”

– Anthony, the Father

As much as the patient is trying to understand what is happening to them, it is often difficult for the people taking care of them to understand as well, but things can be better if all of us starts to have a little bit more compassion and patience towards the people who have loved us unconditionally while being momentarily lost to age.

Connect with your elderly parents, grandparents, granduncles, grandaunts, and whoever in your life that's suffering from dementia, be there for them because you never know how alone they feel without people giving them the reassurance that everything is going to be ok.

When they are afraid, be there to hold them.

When they feel unwanted, tell them the stories of how they completed your earlier life.

Tell them about the good old days.

Love them as the people they once were.

“I feel as if I’m losing all my leaves. The branches, and the wind, and the rain. I don’t know what’s happening anymore.”

– Anthony, the Father